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  • Stefania Pönitz

Bust or trust???

As I was closing out the weekly group healing for all Illkillers, an energetic primal scream came from the heart chakra. It felt like the heart chakra was ripped open and years of agony were released at that moment. Now, whenever anything intense happens within the energy system it's time to pay close attention as the ramifications positive and negative will have a lot of wisdom in them that needs to be unpacked. Better learn fast so we don't have to repeat the cycle over and over again. The intensity usually indicates that we're going to be busy with this topic for a couple of months. This all went down a couple of days after I started the "hello first chakra" exercise I'd written about in my previous blog post. Which I kinda knew beforehand was going to have a big impact and probably going to bite me in the you know what.

I knew when I started the first chakra exercise it would impact the core of that chakra. The first chakra is our foundation and adjusting the foundation in any way is a tall order. But the thing with core work is that when you impact the core of one chakra it can impact the core of every other chakra as well.

In a way, this is a very highly desired goal as any spiritual practice is all about alignment. Alignment of what? The chakras, we want all parts of ourselves to align with each other plus we want to align with our destiny within the universe. So being able to impact one core that resonates through another is kind of a two for one sale. It's also twice the work although the intensity doesn't end there, a lot of good has already come out of this healing development.

Grounding has been going much better which allowed me to take part in my first spiritual fair in years where I gave consultations and it went better than ever before. Doing a fair is a bit different from having your own private practice as I used to have but for a lot of reasons that I will discuss in the future, this is the perfect fit for me at this moment in time.

A few days after starting the first chakra exercise, I went even deeper and felt I was ready for the mantra, I trust. This was a big deal for me and trusting myself, the universe, and the people around me has been one of my biggest goals and the hardest one to achieve over the past +20 years. Being able to do the mantra with comfort completely settled me into genuine trust and it was a massive personal victory. This is the core that made grounding almost automatic which also had been a goal.

When you work on yourself, you can make significant changes. I've seen it in myself and others many times before. As this goal was so hard to reach it seemed out of reach at times but even though I lacked trust, I rarely lacked faith that I would be able to make this big change which undoubtedly will create more positive changes in my work life in the years to come.

Hold up! More intensity followed in my energy system. I saw fireworks in the second chakra which houses our feelings. It wasn't like, oh a cute vision, it felt just as intense as the scream and settling into my trust after 20 years. That's already 3 chakras being effected in their core in about a week's time. This means bigger shifts in my life than I can imagine.

Although, I probably can imagine as I've been imagining a new path for myself. It's incredibly exciting and scary at the same time. The picture I took at the fair with the big kunzite crystal on my forehead already has some clues to the desired changes in my life in it. I'll talk about those when the changes become more concrete and aren't just wishful thinking.

What I feared with all of these big energetic changes was a big physical reaction. Mostly unimaginable pain but so far I've been able to handle everything that has come at me well. I did nap a lot for about a week. It has always been weird to me that I've been in such need of relaxation and sleep as I worked through years of tensions and trauma yet didn't even manage to get the so desired 8 hours of sleep that I used to get. In these past 14 years of recovery, I can count the times I've slept over 8 hours on one hand. In a way, I would like to catch up on all that missed sleep but I don't want to sleep and nap for the coming 30 years either. I'm still in the thick of these intense changes but so far so good.

Next time I want to talk about the direction I intend to walk in the coming years and what brought this about as I've been on the same path for over 20 years and this is a pretty sudden change.

Much love,


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